How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
