Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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