Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
