I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
