Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
