so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
