i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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