Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
