He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
