hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
