I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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