i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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