fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
