Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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