I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
