Little spoons don't ask big questions
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
