Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
