so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
His nipple licking is glorious
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