I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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