I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
