absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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