dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
