i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
