I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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