1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
