your parents love me but you hate me
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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