Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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