Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
