your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
