so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
