i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
