Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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