He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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