She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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