I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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