Sacagawea was the original milf.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
