Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
