i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
