everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
