Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
