Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
