They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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