I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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