I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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