Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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