No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
