So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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