just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
