In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
