my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
