We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
