Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
