i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
