I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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