Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
