I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
