He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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