very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
