she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i've created a new STD.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize