Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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