you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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